We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
