Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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