My friends, they love my intelligence
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
