I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
