Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize