is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
