this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's just like the Real World with babies
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
