I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
