So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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