I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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