Buhtt sex?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
