just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
