i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
