The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
