So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
