whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
