So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize