apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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