All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
