..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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