they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
