She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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