You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
