So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
