you mean i was at the winter classic?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
