hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
