I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
