bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
