I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
