he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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