maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize