I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
