I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
