Having a random hookup so left but love u
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
