Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
