We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
