All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
