dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
