i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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