I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
