i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
