is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
