i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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