Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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