Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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