You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Who died my cat blue again?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
