why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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