it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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