so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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