i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
