u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
