my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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