Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
