Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
