Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
