I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
