What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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