Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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