Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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