Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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