put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize