There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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