My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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