Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
