are you still at the devil's house?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
