Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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