You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
