I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
