he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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