I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
