Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
