I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
