3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
