what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
