I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
