why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
