Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
