does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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