her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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